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Worst of the Week: A day in the life of wireless

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCR Wireless to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
So normally I use this space to write general nonsense about the events of the day. For example, this week I would probably write about Verizon Wireless’ search deal with Microsoft and how it’s really pretty lame and unimportant it is in the whole scheme of things. Much like me.
But I won’t do that this week. Instead, I’m going to write about how the wireless industry should be, instead of how it is. I’m going to imagine a wireless future unhindered by unnecessarily complicated designs and ego-driven business plans. Basically, I’m going to write about a day in the life of me, if I controlled the universe. At least, the universe of wireless.
6 a.m.: My phone alarm wakes me up with a video podcast of the latest weather report, which downloaded to my phone while I slept. The wake-up alarm also triggers a text message to my coffee maker to turn on and start brewing. (This is accomplished via a wireless module that sits between a standard coffee maker and an electrical outlet, and connects the two after receiving a text-message trigger.)
8 a.m.: My car is out in the driveway and it’s freezing outside, so I start the car via a text message to warm it up before I head off to work. After a few minutes, I get in the car and begin my commute, listening to music saved on my phone and streaming through my car’s stereo via Bluetooth.
8:15 a.m.: During my commute, I get a call from my wife about how I left the milk out last night and my generally disastrous level of incompetence. I’m ordered to go to the grocery store on my way home from work. Naturally, the call is routed through my car’s Bluetooth to a speakerphone in my windshield visor. And the grocery list is sent to my phone and automatically synched to the list stored on my wife’s phone.
8:30 a.m.: I arrive at work and my phone automatically begins routing my calls to the wired phone at my desk, based on my GPS coordinates.
3 p.m.: I stop working (it’s 3 p.m. after all) and begin planning my upcoming vacation. The travel dates I enter into the calendar in my computer are automatically synched with the calendar on my phone and my wife’s phone.
5 p.m.: I head home, stopping by the grocery store to get everything on the list stored in my phone and updated by my wife via her handset. Difficult items (like what brand of shampoo she wants) are tagged with photos taken of the empties littering our bathroom.
5:45 p.m.: My 2-year-old son meets me outside in the yard as I pull into the driveway at home. My wife sent him outside to wait, knowing that I would be home shortly based on the GPS location alert she got on her phone, triggered by my approaching, GPS-capable phone.
8 p.m.: After the kids finally get into bed, we sit down to shut off our brains in front of the TV (Internet-connected, naturally). I access my TV-viewing account via my phone, queue up the latest episode of “The Wire,” and set my delivery preferences to my TV (instead of my phone). Then, because I really am that lazy, I use my phone as a remote to turn on my TV.
8:10 p.m.: I fall asleep. Yes, I really am that lazy.
8:15 p.m. My phone/remote has been remotely monitoring my slower breathing and heartbeat and realizes I have, yet again, fallen asleep in front of the TV.
10:10 p.m. My phone gently awakens me from my preset two-hour nap via my Scarlett Johansson avatar to tell me it’s actually time for bed. (Yippee!) As I carry the handset to my night table, it automatically begins to recharge its battery wirelessly. Instead of an irritating battery charging icon on my screen, the color display projects an array of soothing colors with accompanying rain forest sounds that gently put me to sleep.

OK! Enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–Nokia announced it “enriched” its Nokia.mobi mobile Web site. One of the many enrichments: “information on Nokia services and products.” Yessir, that is awesome.
–Christian Ringtones Inc. launched a new Web site to sell $3 ringtones. The press release is worth a read, because it is stupidly hilarious. Here’s my favorite part: “You do not have to be Christian to have a Christian ringtone.”
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at [email protected] Or, if you prefer, leave a comment in the space below.

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