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Worst of the Week: Small print, big lies

Hello! And welcome to our Friday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!

And without further ado:

Now it’s getting good. And by that, I mean that battle for 4G supremacy.

This week Verizon Wireless, often viewed as that carrier that is doing so well that it does not need to dirty its hands by acknowledging its competitors, unleashed a “4G Throw-Down” video punkin’ all those that claim to provide a superior 4G network experience. I am averse to actually showing the clip so soon into this column as it might give some a case of the vapors, but it’s really pretty good so I can’t resist.

Daaammmmnnn!!!!!! It’s now officially on like DK!

No, not that DK. This DK:

Beyond the bashing of poor Sprint Nextel towards the end, just about everything in this video is awesome. From the over-exuberant host going around hassling people to the seemingly life-long friendships made along the way. All good in the neighborhood.

However, what was with all the small print at the bottom of the screen. You might have missed it as it whizzed past faster than most humans could read. I did say most:

This may be just a personal opinion from years of attempting to read small print at the bottom of screens, but in general when there is small print that means that whatever is being said or portrayed in the video portion above is somehow misleading or wrong. Why else do you need some words to explain what the hell is going on? I can see it with my own eyes?

This reliance on small print has become a hallmark of the mobile space and a reason that many people have a negative opinion of the industry. Carriers spend so much time and money getting our attention visually that they need to go back and insert qualifications for what are obviously misleading images.

The wireless space is not alone in this reliance on small print as industries have been doing this for years. I can’t tell you how many bank and credit card documents I get in the mail choke full of pages of small print that covers their ass legally, but does nothing but chaps my ass mentally.

However, when it comes to the mobile space, it seems that this move to small print is increasing as the marketing hype around “4G” swells. Those of us with nothing else better to do obviously are familiar with the intricacies involved with what is and is not really 4G, and in most instances have found a way to live with the fact that everyone is really lying about the subject.

I have to admit that I myself get caught up this hysteria, but have tried to stop letting the argument make my hair turn any greyer. When all else fails (and when does all else never fail?) I typically fall back to the ITU’s original assertion that “4G” should be reserved for mobile network speeds that will allow for teleportation in some cases. Otherwise, it’s just fast mobile broadband.

It seems that the marketing machine that runs the domestic mobile industry has gone whole-hog into the 4G hype, turning what should be a technological celebration into a three-ring circus. At a point where we should just take a step back and be amazed that there are several wireless networks currently online that provide multi-megabit broadband speeds, instead we have been thrown into the dark underbelly of what is and what is not really 4G.

And dragging everyday consumers through this morass is just wrong. Why should grandma care that one version of “4G” provides 2 megabits per second faster speeds than the other? Sure, the carrier that is touting its enhanced 3G product as 4G is probably in the wrong here, but so is the one that is touting their LTE-based 4G service since it’s not really 4G. Can’t we just leave grandma alone?

Come on mobile industry, we are better than this. Don’t get me wrong. I love all these hater videos, and want to see them continue. But, to drag the innocent into this is a step too far.

OK, enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this week’s Worst of the Week column. And now for some extras:

–Good to see that people are using precious legal resources to keep our electronic overlords in check. I have had but a scant time to quiz Siri on the questions that keep me up at night, and have found that in general the service is no way as helpful as Apple’s ads make it out to be.

But, I also recognize that it’s just some computerized service that should in no way be central to how I live my life. (I leave that to my PlayStation 3.) And to bring a lawsuit claiming that the service is ruining what appears to be a pathetic life is just … well … pathetic.

–When has an event “jumped the shark?” When it’s the South by Southwest event currently taking place in Austin, Texas, and the marketers that have infiltrated this event are using homeless people as mobile hotspots.

I am sure we can all see the wrong in this wrongdoing, but just in case you missed it:

–Already tired of your Bedazzled iPad and can’t wait for the next iPhone to come out so you can dip it in gold? Well, luckily the folks at Tag Heuer have you covered.

If you gotta ask the price, you probably can’t afford it … but it’s $3,700 so you probably can’t afford it. And for the princely sum you get a device with specifications that are surprisingly common on other smartphones that you can pick up for less than $200 without a contact. Avant-Garde indeed.

–The experts over at “opinion-based community” SodaHead.com found that its community of people with opinions were of the opinion that they did not like Apple discontinuing its numbering of iPad devices. Apparently the masses have spoken, and what they like are numbers on the end of their “i”-devices.

It should be noted that the “where is my number?” to “I don’t need no stinking number!” vote was a close 53% to 47% split. I will say that I tend to fall on the side of those not so concerned about the whole number thing, as SodaHead noted those folks found the new naming scheme “new and fresh.” So you know it’s good.

–Speaking of the new iPad, which as all the cool kids say “drops today,” the reviews are out, and it looks like it’s sort of a mixed bag:

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