Worst of the Week: Just a Few Questions

Hello!

And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCR Wireless News to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way, which as we grow older appears to be most things. We hope you enjoy it!

So, earlier this week AT&T Inc. announced plans to launch the nation’s largest Wi-Fi network covering 80 square miles in Riverside, Calif. While pricing for the service was not released, the company promised a free service that provides network speeds of between 200 and 500 kilobits per second alongside a for-pay service providing speeds up to 1 megabit per second.

AT&T is not the first company to jump on the muni Wi-Fi bandwagon as several companies have managed to talk city leaders into installing such networks as a way to “unwire” their constituents and appear like they are actually doing something constructive for the people they serve.

Now I have never claimed to be the sharpest knife in the drawer—actually I am probably more spoon shaped than anything else—but before I pack my bags and move to Riverside—that’s a joke, no one would willingly move to Riverside, or as I call it, the real world’s Shelbyville—I just have a few questions for AT&T, and in fact all muni Wi-Fi providers.

Let’s say I do pony up whatever you are going to charge for the higher-speed, for-pay service. What guarantees are there that it will work in my single-wide—the housing of choice in Riverside—where I will assume I am most likely browsing the Internet for Simpsons references?

If coverage is not acceptable in my manufactured home, will you be willing to place a transmitter on the light pole nearest to my house, or will I be responsible for moving my mobile home to somehow improve coverage?

What if there is not a light pole close enough to me to provide adequate coverage? Will you install a new light pole?

Will my bug zapper cause any interference?

What if my rich neighbor already has a Wi-Fi router in his double-wide using either DSL or cable Internet service for backhaul—which at current rates would probably cost them between $25 and $45 per month—and it interferes with my muni Wi-Fi coverage, which I would assume would cost me between $20 and $40 per month? Can you force him to turn down his router so I can still have good coverage?

Will you be willing to move his house further from mine to prevent the interference or, better yet, install a large wall with a protective moat filled with alligators to cut down on the interference? And while you’re at it, can you help me move some of these cars off my lawn?

If some of my neighbors like the idea of a muni Wi-Fi service and choose to also pay for the 1 Mbps speed, will you be willing to install greater backhaul capabilities to our light pole to support all of our high-speed needs?

If something goes wrong, can I picket city council meetings or will I have to sit on hold while being passed around the world to different customer call centers?

How about if someone runs into the light pole that houses the Wi-Fi transmitter serving my aluminum bunker? Is that a city problem or AT&T’s problem?

Can I have someone’s home phone number in case I have a problem, or just need someone to talk to?

You see, I have lots of questions.

O.K.! Enough of that. Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. Wanna check out other Worst of the Week entries? Click here for past columns. And now, some extras:

• Citing a wave of complaints from educators, newly social conscious Phat Tonez said it stopped selling the adult-proof “Mosquito” ringtone. The company said the downloadable ringtone hijacks a medical condition called the Presbycusis Effect that makes the noise inaudible to people over the age of 20. Phat Tonez director James Winsoar noted, “Originally we thought the stealth ringtone was an amazing use of mobile phone technology, but we have to square up to our social responsibilities too and therefore have taken the unprecedented action of removing the ringtone from sale all together.” Hopefully Phat Tonez can make up for any lost revenues through the availability of the new “Snitch” ringtone from Obie Trice that includes the lyrics: “Got glocks for sale, red tops for sale/Anything you need, believe me, I’m gon lace you/Just don’t whatever you do, Snitch/Cause you will get hit, pray I don’t lace you, yeah.”

• L.A.-based Hoi Polloi unveiled its Freecall service that claims to provide free telephone calls to China, Hong Kong, Singapore and several European countries from any phone. So let me get this straight, I can make free crank calls to China, but to call my neighbor during the day will cost me? Technology is awesome!

• Verizon Wireless announced a deal with ABC to offer music videos through its Vcast service from such apparently popular shows as “Desperate Housewives,” “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Lost.” The music videos will include songs not related to the shows overlaid with scenes from the shows. Am I missing something here? Who watches these shows?

• ROK Entertainment Group U.S. plans to launch its FreeBe IPTV free mobile TV service that will provide 13 channels of content and be compatible with GPRS networks. While I will quickly move beyond the lameness of the channel selection and thoughts of watching streaming TV over a GPRS connection, my biggest complaint is with the name. It’s too close to famed NBA star of the past World B. Free, and unless World is getting a cut of the revenues, I don’t approve.

• Groove Mobile recently announced the exclusive debut of Shitdisco’s new single “Reactor Party.” Completely unbiased fan Adam Sexton, who is also vice president of marketing for Groove, claimed Shitdisco was “the U.K.’s hottest talent.” I thought Craprave was the hottest band in the U.K.?