Worst of the Week: NASCAR Fever

Hello!
And welcome to our Thursday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCR Wireless News to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
So, last week AT&T Inc.’s wireless division-you know, the nation’s largest wireless carrier with like 60 bazillion customers . oh what’s their name? . oh yeah, Cingular-announced the availability of Jeff Burton’s blog on its Media Net Racing Portal.
Now, if it weren’t for the “Racing Portal” part of this, would anyone actually know who Jeff Burton is? I’m sure most first guesses would be the David Copperfield wanna-be magician working the Monte Carlo hotel in Las Vegas, but that would be Lance Burton and that would be wrong. You see, Jeff Burton is a NASCAR driver for the Cingular Wireless-sponsored No. 31 Chevrolet. You might have seen him in any number of commercials polluting the airwaves that showcase a bunch of middle-aged, slightly overweight guys with terrible haircuts and wearing strange overalls sporting sponsorship patches as diverse as Wonder Bread and Jim Beam bourbon. (Nothing better than dipping a de-crusted slice of Wonder Bread in a glass of Beam.)
Now before I continue this mini-rant let me say that I’m a pretty big racing fan and have been for most of my life. I spent much of my childhood scrapping around race tracks along the left coast and have even ventured to a handful of exotic locales as an adult to watch some car racing. But, for the life of me I can’t grasp the current fascination with NASCAR racing. And every time I see one of those commercials filled with NASCAR drivers in their overgrown pajamas my head swells slightly with rage. (And if you have seen the size of my forehead to begin with you know any additional growth is unwanted.)
So anyway, now AT&T’s wireless division-what was that name again? . oh yeah, Cingular-is going to allow its 297 gajillion customers exclusive access to the thoughtful ramblings of a NASCAR driver. As AT&T puts it: “a unique perspective on a variety of issues as varied as candid reviews of his race performances and light-hearted commentary on pop culture.”
I kept searching the release for an April 1 dateline or at least a punch line somewhere, but apparently they are serious about this.
Now, I haven’t tuned in yet to Burton’s blog, but I can imagine how part of it might go . (fade to dream sequence.)
Burton’s candid review on the race: “Well, I didn’t win the 7-Eleven Slurpee smash 500 today, but it was fun nonetheless. You see, first there was a green flag, and I hit the old gas pedal on the No. 31 Cingular Wireless though also known as the wireless unit of AT&T but soon to be just known as AT&T with some sort of wireless connotation/Skoal Bandit/Build-A-Bear/Pabst Blue Ribbon/Winchester/Stuckees Chevrolet. I then made about 2,634 left turns. And then a checkered flag came out and the fun was over.”
Burton’s light-hearted commentary on pop culture: “Man, did you see Brittney Spear’s new haircut. That is one sweet cut. And did you see American Idol last night? That show is awesome.”
(Return from dream sequence.)
As you can see, the Burton blog is a must-see. I of course will not be able to actually view it as I suspect the swelling in my head will eventually result in my eyelids closing over my eyes in a sort of mercy-blindness. Or at least I can hope that will happen.
OK! Enough of that. Thanks for checking out this Worst of the Week column. And now, some extras:
–SafeMedia Corp. launched what it calls an “advanced Internet Piracy Prevention technology” designed for “eradicate” Internet peer-to-peer copyrighted material piracy. While the mission of the application seems noble, the product’s name-“Clouseau”-is short of hilarious. Naming something that is supposed to protect copyrighted material after a bumbling, though admittedly funny, fictional detective is marketing genius.
–This one’s for Dano: Some company with the unfortunate name of Ojom GmbH said it plans to launch a mobile game based on the zombie movie “Land of the Dead.” While most movies that have been translated into a mobile game have been horrible at best, this seems the perfect platform. Ojom’s channel manager put it best with, “It’s perfect for anyone waiting for the bus or traveling home from work on the train wanting to unwind by kicking some ‘un-dead’ butt.”
–Speaking of movie-to-mobile game transformations, Namco Networks announced plans to bring the Popeye to mobile phones through a partnership with King Features. Now I know this is probably more of translating a comic strip to mobile, but all I could think of was that awesome early ’80s flick starring Robin Williams and Shelly Duval. That movie was spinachtacular! The thought of a squinty-eyed Robin Williams on my phone is almost enough to make me want to actually pay for a mobile game. Almost.