Hello! And welcome to our Friday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
And without further ado:
Well, it was nice knowing you all.
I am typing up what I can only assume is my last “Worst of the Week” column from an underground bunker I was saving for just such an occasion.
Oh, didn’t you hear? The Federal Communications Commission this week decided to lump the pristine, pure and life-giving Internet under its Title II authority granted as part of the 1996 Telecommunications Act. Depending on where you reside in terms of the “crazy” scale, that means humanity will now be able to evolve to another dimension of space and time where dogs and cats can actually live together in harmony, or that the end of the world is at hand. It can really go either way.
Since my bunker only has a few hours of oxygen left, I will not bother going into detail about either side of the argument, but will state that the arguments from the “world is going to end” side definitely seem to have won me over. If I wasn’t so convinced, I would say that the arguments laid out by Republican Commissioners Ajit Pai and Michael O’Rielly were fear-mongering at its finest, though since I was convinced, I say those two were the only ones in that room with any common sense. And, since the decision didn’t go their way, I can only assume they are also securing the hatches of their end-of-times bunkers.
It may be the lack of oxygen or that this tinfoil hat is one size too small, but I can’t help but think there is some grand conspiracies behind all of this nonsense that will see this process linger on for years.
You see, I think FCC Chairman Tom Wheeler is a pretty smart guy. Smart enough, in fact, that he knows the two sides on this issue are so far apart from the center of reality that there is really no winning this battle. I take this notion from Wheeler’s moves last year following the initial appeals court decision to vacate the previous FCC authority to regulate broadband services that saw Wheeler look at working up a so-called “hybrid” approach to tackling Internet regulations.
That approach seemed to draw subdued support from ISPs, though a forceful rebuke from those on the “consumer” side of the room. Despite this, Wheeler seemed to keep moving in that direction, until his boss – President Barack Obama – came down with his thoughts that the FCC should go strict Title II in terms of regulating broadband access.
Knowing that at the end of the day his tenure at the FCC is tied to President Obama, Wheeler came out in favor of that proposal, adding that he was leaning that way all along. (Well played, Tom.)
This is where the conspiracy part comes in. Wheeler has been part of the Washington, D.C., scene long enough to know that this move would draw legal and political challenges from the telecom industry and its legislative supporters that would in turn drag out implementation of Title II authority for years. How many years? Well, probably enough that there will be a new name on the Oval Office desk, as well as a new person parking in the “Chairman” space at the FCC parking lot.
Seeing the writing on the wall, my tinfoil hat thinks Wheeler decided to show both sides that they are too extreme in their thinking on how to properly manage Internet services, and figured a protracted court battle was the only way to get both sides to see the folly of their ways.
With that tinfoil hat removed, though still oxygen-deprived, my thoughts seem to congeal around certain questions. Is the Internet as we know it going to cease to exist as Internet service providers literally stop investing in their networks? Probably not. Will the move toward Title II regulation end all future perceived threats that the Internet will become a new tool by ISPs to throttle the voice of the little man? Probably not.
The one thing I do think will come from this week’s decision is that this whole process is far from over. Sure, those on one side think they have won, but the other side has deep pockets filled with cash and lawyers, and those are two things that can complicate any issue.
So, well done all involved. You solved nothing except bringing more money and lawyers into this process … and sending me to my bunker.
OK, enough of that.
Thanks for checking out this week’s Worst of the Week column. And now for some extras:
• There are several key phrases in e-mail subject lines that will automatically get me to click open any e-mail. These include:
You have just won …
Hello, I am a prince in Nigeria and I need your help to get my inheritance
And, the one I received this week:
Is your phone killing you?
Turns out, it’s probably not, or at least in the way the cleverly named IShieldz wanted me to think. But that doesn’t mean I am not paying extra attention to my phone … just in case.
• Finally, Juniper Research nearly convinced me of the benefits that can be had by embracing the “wearables” market.
The firm released a report entitled “’Invisibility’ central to $80B wearable market by 2020,” that would seem from the title to indicate that invisibility is set to be one of the most awesome services being provided by the wearables market. Sign me up!
Turns out that this invisibility only refers to not being able to see the wearable being worn and not to actual invisibility. I guess only Harry Potter and Wonder Woman will continue to master that power.
I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at [email protected].
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