Hello! And welcome to our Friday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!
So the Worst of the Week is that my colleague Dan Meyer is gallivanting around the globe somewhere and I am stuck here writing Worst of the Week. But Dan has assured me in the past (sometimes just as he is getting ready to turn in his column) that Worst of the Week doesn’t always have to be funny, so I take comfort in that. (You know what would be funny? Linking to a column of Dan’s here, but that wouldn’t be nice and I want presents from Santa.)
I feel better getting that out of the way, so without further ado here are my sure-to-be-100%-accurate predictions for 2010.
1. An Android developer makes an iPhone killer app. This will be an app that actually sends a malware virus to kill the iPhone. When you’re talking about killer apps, this is finally the killer app.
2. The cloud goes up in smoke. This one’s easy. Someone’s cloud-based wireless service is going to lose some data. I say this as Rearch In Motion is saying some North American customers have lost e-mail access (not actual data, just e-mail access) on their BlackBerries. I am one of them. RIM says the phone still works fine but how would I know — no one calls me, everyone e-mails. RIM finally restored service but my Tour is still laying here like a brick. Is this some sort of diabolical plan RIM implemented to retaliate for the government not letting it bid on Nortel? What was that anyway? How can a company like RIM, which has trained millions of people to respond to the beep of an e-mail delivered just take it away all Grinch-like like that? I get my e-mail delivered to my handset before it actually comes to my e-mail in-box, so I spent yesterday morning forgetting that people actually can e-mail without my phone telling me that they e-mailed me. But I digress: some cloud-based service loses some data. And there will be hell to pay.
3. Google buys something. Details to follow.
4. The looming spectrum crisis throws the U.S. into pandemonium. We offer to buy all of Canada’s left-over spectrum and some of Mexico’s, but we have no money so we use Universal Service Fund funds to make payments, but then we find out the USF fund is broke because no one makes long-distance calls anymore. So we send Mexico and Canada mobile micropayments. They’re both too polite to question why we’re paying less than a buck at a time. Syniverse profits. The FCC decides companies handling micropayments and wireless roaming deals have to pay into the USF funds.
5. After Dan Hesse walks out in a huff because no one wants him in any more TV commercials, Peter Adderton is picked to run Sprint Nextel/Boost/Virgin. And gets a helicopter for each brand.
6. Everyone involved in the patent pool process for WiMAX and LTE takes a sane, “we’re all in this together” approach to patent royalties. On second thought, scratch this one.
7. Verizon Wireless turns on its LTE network and is so excited about the data throughput speeds, it gives free Slingboxes to everyone on the network. AT&T buys Echostar, which owns Sling Media.
8. Prisons become overcrowded when millions of teen drivers are sentenced to five years hard labor for breaking texting-and-driving laws. After the Supreme Court rules that not allowing anyone under 20 access to a mobile device constitutes cruel and unusual punishment, the cellphone jammer business evaporates.
9. Mobile gaming finally takes off after users decide they hate big screens, fancy controllers and awesome graphics. Pong is a big hit with the “in crowd.”
10. Clearwire, Sprint Nextel, Time Warner and Comcast introduce the exact same pricing to the exact same customers in the exact same markets, thus further confusing potential customers about whose service is best. This results in a new sport called “My connection is faster,” often played out in bars across the Midwest.
OK, Enough of that!
In the spirit of the holiday season, I’m sharing with you perhaps
the funniest video on YouTube ever, if you like Star Wars, Legos and don’t mind a swear word or two. Consider yourself warned.
