One can only imagine the potential import of the victory of Jesse “The Body” Ventura, the ex-professional wrestler and Reform Party candidate who won the Minnesota gubernatorial election last Tuesday.
Policy making in America may never be the same. Jesse could change everything. Indeed, why settle for euphemism and metaphor in political parlance when you can have the real thing.
A political brawl would be a brawl after all-wrestling, chair-throwing, biting, hair-pulling, etc. in state and national legislatures everywhere. All carried to you live by C-SPAN. Cut the pretentious speeches and empty threats. America’s bored with you blow-hards. If you really want people to believe you hate each other and want taxpayers to continue compensating your theatrics, then give ’em a real show. Step into the ring.
In that spirit, here’s how the 1999 card is shaping up for the wireless industry:
CALEA
Yet another tag-team rematch pitting Attorney General Janet “Stonewall” Reno and FBI Director Louis “The Tap” Freeh against CTIA President Tom “The Bad Buckeye” Wheeler and PCIA President Jay “The Remodeler” Kitchen. This one is war, folks-easily worth the price of admission. Give a slight edge to industry on the possibility Freeh might abandon Reno if she gets worked over in the corner by Wheeler and Kitchen.
Antenna siting
No love lost here, fans. The last time Sen. Pat “The Pre-emption Predator” Leahy (D-Vt.) and Sen. Kay Bailey “The Zone Zealot” Hutchison (R-Texas) battled House telecom Chairman Billy “The Tower” Tauzin and Senate Commerce Committee Chairman John “The Maverick” McCain (R-Ariz.), the fracas ended in a draw. In the 106th Congress, look for a split decision: Leahy-Hutchison scoring points for keeping federal pre-emption in a strangle hold and Tauzin-McCain returning the favor by getting E911 federal land antenna-siting legislation out of the NLC-NACO-Hollings headlock.
Private Wireless Auctions
Fans got a sneak preview at the ITA conference of the coming attraction that has WTB Chief Dan “The Python” Phythyon going up against ITA President Mark “The General” Crosby next year.
Crosby’s camp says “The General” expects “The Python” to try the sleeper hold on industry with friendly talk of cooperation and spectrum lease fees. Unless industry gets relief from Congress or can squeeze the life out of the Python’s private wireless auction plan, look for the sleeper hold to become a piledriver that sends the General to his knees.
A date and purse are being negotiated for the main event: Qualcomm Inc. Chairman Irwin “The IPR Terror” Jacobs vs. The World.
