Great Aunt Agatha has never really come to terms with electricity. She keeps buying dummy plugs to insert into any unused electricity socket she can find. “If you leave the socket open, the electricity could leak out,” she explains, “and electricity is dangerous.”
She also knows that mobile phones are dangerous. The newspapers say so. In any case, it is obvious. Mobile phones run off electricity and give out radiation. How can they not be harmful?
So Great Aunt Agatha was not at all surprised by “Hands-Free Phone Shock” headlines in the U.K. tabloid press at the beginning of April. “Hands-free kits for mobile phones can actually increase radiation exposure,” spluttered the newspapers. “Earpieces for mobiles can triple radiation risk,” warned the ubiquitous experts.
Some readers no doubt glanced quickly at the date. It was 4 April, not 1 April. But the thought of an April Fools’ joke never even crossed Great Aunt Agatha’s mind. The newspapers were reporting research by the Consumers’ Association, probably the most respected consumer watchdog in the United Kingdom. The Consumers’ Association tests all sorts of electrical items, from light bulbs to washing machines, and recommends which products provide the best value for your money. They know all about technical things such as electricity.
In any case, it’s obvious. At least it is to Great Aunt Agatha. Attach a wire to something that gives out radiation, and then the radiation will obviously go down the wire. Plugging a hands-free kit into a mobile phone simply channels the radiation into the cord and squirts it into the earpiece. Rather like a laser pointer. Then you stick the earpiece into your ear, pointing directly at your brain. No wonder Great Aunt Agatha thinks we’re all mad.
Maybe we are all mad. How else to explain the fact that network operators and handset manufacturers refused to comment on the report? Despite the fact that the conclusions are blatant nonsense, none of the operators or the manufacturers had the courage to say so. Does no one care about reassuring Great Aunt Agatha?
Some journalists did at least get a response from the Federation of the Electronics Industries (FEI), an industry trade body. The FEI noted the absence of detail about what was measured, by whom and under what conditions. Whatever it was that was measured, noted the FEI, it was certainly not the specific absorption rate. That means, of course, that the results are probably meaningless, although the FEI did not say that.
The FEI did say: “All mobile phones on the market meet all relevant safety standards and recommendations with or without a headset.”
That’s what they always say. It is becoming a worn out record. In any case, it is not the sort of statement that cuts much ice with Great Aunt Agatha.
“They would say that wouldn’t they,” is her natural response. ” `It’s not my fault; I’m only obeying orders.’ Now where have I heard that before?”
I think Great Aunt Agatha knows more than she admits. She seems convinced there is a conspiracy of silence within the mobile-phone industry. I’m beginning to suspect she is behind the research reported by the Consumers’ Association. She only has a small pension after all-and someone has to pay for all those dummy plugs.
