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Worst of the Week: Connected car not compatible with simple humans

Hello! And welcome to our Friday column, Worst of the Week. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in this industry, so this column is a chance for us at RCRWireless.com to rant and rave about whatever rubs us the wrong way. We hope you enjoy it!

And without further ado:

This week has seen a number of telematics and connected car related announcements tied to the annual New York International Auto Show, highlighting the burgeoning relationship between the old-school auto world and the new-school technology world.

This old-school/new-school relationship is being reported as a boon for both the automotive industry, which is able to garner interest from an increasingly tech-savvy population, and the wireless telecommunications industry, which has found a new revenue source.

I understand those opportunities, but can’t say that I approve of this increased collaboration. It’s not that I don’t think all of the cool things being developed in this space aren’t, you know, cool. It’s that I don’t think humans have evolved enough to handle the responsibility that comes with some of this increased functionality.

I find this lack of faith in humanity reinforced on a daily basis, most recently when attempting to cross a street using a crosswalk, before having to jump out of the way of a woman talking on her cellphone while driving, who also wanted to provide me with an up-close view of her car’s hood.

(I should mention that when I say this woman was “talking” on her phone, she was more talking at her phone. She appeared to be one of those people who has watched too much reality television and thinks that all cellphone conversations need to be had with the phone placed in speakerphone mode and about a foot in front of their mouths. Why is this an acceptable way to use a cellphone? If you are using the speakerphone it’s because your hands are not able to hold the phone near your ear. If you are holding the phone in your hand, place it next to your ear and stop using the speakerphone that, no matter how advanced devicemakers claim they have made the technology, is still a sonically horrible way to hold a conversation.)

Anyways, back to almost being mowed down … yet again.

So as I was in mid-jump back onto the sidewalk, I noticed the woman look me in the eye and nod toward the cellphone in her right hand attempting to indicate that she was unable to press the brake pedal with one of her feet because her mouth was busy moving and her hand was busy holding the phone. (Though she didn’t seem to have any problem keeping one of her feet on the throttle.) Basically, she was doing one too many things at a time and decided that not hitting another person was the one activity that she needed to stop doing.

I know some people have the ability to handle two brain-taxing events at one time, but that number of people I can count on one hand, and I don’t take up one of those digits. I literally can’t talk on a cellphone and walk at the same time, thus I realize I probably should not talk on a cellphone and drive a 2-ton piece of steel at the same time. And from my casual observations, most people … and by that I mean 99.999% (five nines!) … can’t handle any other function when talking on a phone.

In fact, I think instead of developing a fake dial tone for cellphones to mimic a traditional landline phone, someone needs to come up with a voice prompt that tells someone about to make a phone call that they need to be sitting down and not moving before the call will be connected.

Now, I know a lot of these new connected car advances don’t actually involve any interaction with the driver, and those sort of advances I am all for. But, for features that allow for increased driver distraction – like these built-in Wi-Fi hot spots – are just asking for trouble. Do we really want people driving their cars while playing “Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit” using a laptop sitting in the passenger seat?

I know vendors involved in these technology advances will claim that these capabilities are designed for use by passengers and not the driver. But, come on! We all know that it’s more than just passengers tapping into these services.

I am not saying that it’s up to the automakers or telecom providers to regulate how people use cellphone or connected car features, but to hear them gloss over any sort of responsibility by claiming they are doing all they can because they support any of the dozens of distracted driving campaigns is lame. If these industries really cared about the problem they could find a way to deal with the issues.

If anything, these tremendous advances in technology indicate there are indeed ways to cut down on the potential for distracted driving, but those ways have yet to include an acceptable ROI model.

I get it. This is all about business. But, when that business tries to run you or someone you love down, that’s when it’s time to realize the connected car business is not yet compatible with simple human capabilities.

OK, enough of that.

• As a reporter, April Fools’ Day is one of the worst days of the year. I can’t tell you now many times when I was first starting out that I fell for some gag. Luckily I caught most of them before hitting the “post” button.

Now that I am a little more “seasoned,” I find I can enjoy April 1 a little bit more, and this past April Fools’ Day witnessed some pretty solid telecom-related efforts.

Google unleashed its “Dial-up Mode” ad:

While T-Mobile US looked to expand its “family” plans:

https://youtu.be/_Kj-4F8pWfk

Though, I probably have to give the “Fool Award” to Motorola for its MotoSelfieStick as it takes a great jab at something that is becoming a real problem:

https://youtu.be/584qPWzfhHY

Well done peeps. Well done.

Thanks for checking out this week’s Worst of the Week column.

I welcome your comments. Please send me an e-mail at [email protected].

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